These times call for an honest look at the makeability of success. I personally find the divide between the “won’thaves” and the “will haves” striking. We are on the eve of the great generational wealth transfer. In the Netherlands, wealth is mostly built by entering the housing market—sometimes with help from parents’ resources—or by being a successful entrepreneur.

Being “self-made” matters to many of us, shaping how we see ourselves and others.

But the makeability of success and wealth creation is only partly true. Only the most talented can build everything entirely on their own. Wanting to be recognized purely on your own merit is tied to ego. After all, we like to be acknowledged for our talent and achievements—it’s also what drives us as humans.

For the “won’t haves,” who live on a salary and rent because they missed the housing market boat, this increasingly leads to burnout, stress, and low self-esteem. Understanding that success is not purely a matter of makeability is crucial to stay motivated and engaged. One’s self-image needs to evolve alongside this insight and the societal idea of what it means to hold such a position.

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Success and the feasibility doctrine: if I can do it, you can too.

Influencers who tell you everything you should do, that you can do it all yourself. Of course, that can be addictive and appealing. It feels good when someone tells you that you have a chance to achieve the same. But the fewer real opportunities there are, the more tempting it becomes to say that you can do it all on your own.

You know the type: YouTube or Instagram videos telling you that if you just follow my instructions or buy my $5,000 online workshop—or like those recent YouTube videos about trading—you too will get rich quickly… For anyone who is stuck or moving slowly, it’s as appealing as a toxic boyfriend. ;-)

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We would really benefit from a clearer understanding of how the system works.

Look at yourself more gently, with kindness; notice how well you’re doing, and be proud of what you’ve achieved with the cards you were dealt in life. Don’t measure yourself against others. Social media shows how the “haves” of this world spend their money. Neoliberal capitalism has created that role in our society. Its darker sides—jealousy, insecurity, and low self-esteem—affect many of us.

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As humans, we voluntarily submit to a higher purpose. You must become more than you are, you must align with your ideal.

In the past, we could express our ideals through religion, collective organizations like unions, ideologies, political movements, and a more vibrant communal life. Many of us can no longer do that today, so now we impose it on ourselves. We are constantly trying to become a cooler, smarter, better version of ourselves. The ironic thing about this “ideal self” is that we need others as an audience and for applause. Self-development has many positive benefits, but if nothing transcends our own ego, it only makes us unhappier.

Open conversations about this seem important to me.

When I look at social media, for example the influencers my 14-year-old daughter follows, I ask myself: where does the money come from? You see what people have, what they are proud of, but not what they had to give up or sacrifice to get there. Do you ever ask your friends, “How much do you earn from that?” What does your job actually pay? Do you dare to share with friends how much your bills are? How much do you make from it?

There is a need for more openness about money. How does it affect you? Having honest, unbiased conversations about it. People come from different backgrounds, so celebrate what you achieve within your own space and resources.

Today, if a young person wants to do something with money, the idea is that you first need to have a lot. Investing? I don’t know, scary, dangerous, you need a lot of money for that—my mother always said. In the manosphere, people like Andrew Tate preach that you must escape the “9–5 prison,” or else you’re a slave to the system.

What does a happy money life look like? I love sitting with myself, a good playlist, and an Excel sheet where I track my financial progress and projections for the coming months. Writing down what comes in and goes out every month gives me a sense of being in control: deciding where I want to spend in the future. Where do I want to allocate it? A financial diary—what do I truly want?

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Mijn tips?

1. Neem Regie:controle geeft rust.

2. Autonomy: create a buffer for when you need it: you want to leave your job or partner.

3. Self-worth: We are encouraged to link our self-worth to financial symbols such as a house, vacations, and designer handbags.

But I don’t believe in complete makeability. I do believe in talent, timing, spotting opportunities and daring to seize them, taking risks, and above all, in that higher purpose. Money is never the goal, but at best a byproduct of success. I don’t believe you can become anything you want—but I do believe that with determination you can take big steps forward, and especially, that you go further together.

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